Unsinkable

Friday.

We wake up. I don't feel like breakfast again, so Chuck and Rose go up, and I repack all the luggage so we're ready to go this evening. At ten o'clock we leave for the older kids' picnic. We get to the orphanage and wonder how in the world all the travelers, nannies, and like twenty children are going to fit in this thirteen passenger van. It was a little like a clown car, but somehow it worked. We drove to the Ghion Hotel, which has a children's play area. The weirdest thing was going onto the hotel grounds and the first thing we here is the Bee Gee's "Staying Alive" coming from the Merry-Go-Round. Well, either that, or a 2Pac for Life Poster we saw in this little store with a goat outside. There are some awesome incongruities in Addis Ababa. Things you really don't expect to pair together. I really love that about this city. There will be a totally modern, glass-front building going up and there will be wood (like still identifiable as parts of trees) scaffolding.

Anyway, the picnic consisted of playing with the kids on the merry-go-round (which Rose would have no part of) and at a playground area (which Rose would also have almost no part of – she let me and a nanny hold her on our laps on a swing). But it was fun, and Rose was actually hanging out with a nanny for a bit, so I got to play with some of the other kids, who are just SO sweet! I just wanted to bring them all home with me. And they wanted me to- they each want to be the 'chosen' kids so badly! I was making plans the whole time I was there as to who I could convince to come back here and take these kids home! (All my DINK friends, watch out!)

After the picnic, which ended abruptly as it started to rain (and in the rainy season in Ethiopia, that is no joke) we got the kids in the van before it started pouring, but it was pretty frightening to drive through it. It is so hilly and the rain just sweeps down the hills and stuff, it's really amazing to see. We got the kids back to the school safely (though pretty wet going from the van inside) and went back to the guest house to have a quick lunch and make sure everything was packed and ready for later.

After lunch, we went back to the school for the "goodbye ceremony". It was so sweet and wonderful and I was totally emotionally unprepared. It was only us and one other family at the school ceremony, which was for the older kids, the rest went to a separate ceremony at the infant center. The nannies gave Rose and Meskalo (the little four year old boy from the Embassy) traditional Ethiopian outfits, then all of the children sang "I've got peace like a river" and some Ethiopian songs. Then they gave each child a card that they made. Then all of the children gathered in a circle with Rose and Meskalo and some of the caregivers in the middle, and Tsewai said a prayer in Amharic over the two children, while at intervals all of the children chimed in with "amen". It was so moving, I had tears in my eyes most of the time because I just felt so honored to be part of it all and to be entrusted with this beautiful little princess. It was obvious how deeply the children were cared for.  Then Rose and Meskalo got to cut a cake that said "bon voyage" on the top.  It was a different, more dense sort of cake, not very sweet, almost like a quick bread or something, but big enough for all of the kids in the school to have big pieces.

The kids sat theater-style ostensibly to watch "Pocahontas" but most of their eyes were fixed on us sitting against the wall of the room with Rose.  Almost none of them watched the movie while they ate their cake, they all watched us.  It was sweet.  Then we left and went back to the guest house to eat dinner.

We left for the airport with a few goodbyes and little additional ceremony, there was an emergency stop as we left the guest house as someone realized they hadn't yet given us Rose's passport and the secret "do not open this until you arrive at immigration in the US" envelope.

As we drove one last pass through Addis, I tried to remember as much as I could about it so I could answer the questions I know my daughter will ask someday. 

The next thing I knew, we blew past the airport checkpoint, and there was a quick exchange of money, etc, as Tesafaye paid porters to take us and our bags through to the terminal.  We got through pretty easily, although the check-in guy laughed at us because we had only three bags to check and we could have checked nine.  We just didn't have as much stuff on the way home because the donation bags were empty- we actually packed one suitcase inside a larger one just so we didn't have as much to wrangle in the airports.

We waitied in the business-class lounge, where Rose and I ate a bunch of free croissants and drank water, etc.  I was a bit concerned about the potty situation.  I had only seen her go on an actual toilet once, today at the picnic, otherwise it's been strictly potty chairs.  So we made, literally, twenty-five trips back and forth to look at the toilet, then I handed her to Chuck for a little good cop/bad cop, he took her to the bathroom, then came out, gave her to me, I took her back in and she peed.  Either she couldn't hold it anymore or something finally clicked.

So we hung out, then boarded our flight around 9:45 pm (their time).  We got on the plane, sat down, and all of the lights went out.  Apparently there was a malfunction with a machine on the ground that provides the power to parked planes.  And they couldn't board any more people.  So we sat there forever, quickly exhausting our fun stuff to do on planes with two-year-olds bag of goodies.   Then, Rose got pretty agitated, I assumed because she was bored and super-tired, but as I felt a warm wetness on my lap I figured out pretty quickly it was because she had to pee.  So I almost knocked down a flight attendant as we ran to the airplane toilet (keep in mind, we're still in the gate when this happens).  And she finished up there.

And we put a pull-up on her.  And now I'm peed on too (which as a parent is not something I'm totally unfamiliar with, but I haven't brought myself a full change of clothes, just a clean t-shirt, which I promptly change into.)  So, 30 or so hours left to travel and I smell like pee.  Excellent start.

But, the plane finally takes off, we watch a Bollywood movie (I think called "the Arrangement") which was cute and entertaining, then Rose falls asleep and I am not far behind. 

Thursday.

I still feel pukey so I send Chuck and Rose up to breakfast while I shower.   I feel a bit better so I go upstairs but breakfast was some kind of meat on toast so I beat a hasty retreat back to the room and eat gummi bears for breakfast.  I take another Cipro and feel up to joining the group on today's outings (I wish I had Cipro with the last time we were in Mexico, it sure got me on my feet again pretty quickly!)

First we go to the Sheraton to change some more money, and because some folks need to cash advance money from a credit card, which they'll do for you at the hotel.  Apparently there is one working ATM in Addis Ababa, only it doesn't work with a US card, you need an Ethiopian account.  Apparently the Sheraton is the nicest hotel in West Africa, and it is certainly beautiful.  We successfully changed dollars into birr and bought a couple of croissants from the bakery there. 

Then we went to the National Museum to see "Lucy" (the most complete/oldest skeleton of a human ancestor).  She was pretty cool- small, about 3 or 4 feet tall…   The rest of the museum was cool too, although it was very small.  When I think "National Museum" I think Smithsonian or something, this was very small and pretty sparse, considering we were all patted down at a checkpoint on the way in.  Apparently, though, there are some fantastic modern painters in Ethiopia, as the museum doubled as a historical artifacts and art museum.  I will definitely be trying to find out more about the painters we saw there, that artwork was beautiful.  There was also some pretty cool photography, but at that point Rose was getting hungry – it was snack time.  Only I misread her signs at first and thought she had to go to the bathroom, but the museum is so small apparently no bathrooms are needed, so I had to walk her to the nearest one four or five buildings away!  And it was basically a hole in the ground/outhouse sort of thing that she was not interested in at all, which was good, since I didn't want to put her down.

On the way back to the museum we sort of got whistled at by a group of men, I think they were laughing a bit at the white lady with the brown baby or whatever.  Some coffee ladies tried to talk me into sitting with them for a traditional coffee ceremony (three cups of coffee are poured, apparently snacks are served, etc.  It is a social faux pas to stop after the second cup, you can stop after one or three with no problem).  But as I had left Chuck with all of the birr and as I don't like coffee, I passed.  One of the ladies took Rose out of my arms and kissed her but Rose would have nothing to do with her – she wanted to come back to me and pushed the lady away.  The other ladies seemed to think that was pretty funny.

After we left the museum we went to the former fuel-wood-carrying women's association, which is basically a collective of women who used to cut and carry wood for fuel (participating in serious deforestation) but have started a weaving collective making beautiful scarves.   I bought twelve of them, they were so lovely and I really wanted to support these women's' efforts.

We came back to the guest house for lunch but I still didn't have much of a stomach for it.  Rose ate well, she passed on fish but ate injera and vegetarian wot like an old pro (although she still wound up getting pretty messy).  Then we just hung out with a couple of other people in the family room.  One of the other travelers was sick, so her husband was kind of on his own with infant twins, but as far as I could tell he was doing great.   We had a very interesting conversation with Zach, a volunteer from India who was going to be staying at the guest house and volunteering for ten months.  He arrived a few days after us.  His father runs an orphanage in India that works with CHSFS.

No dinner was served tonight because everyone's supposed to be going out to eat at a local place.  I'm passing on that, though,  because even though it is an option, I really don't want to bring Rose back to the care center for the night.  I feel like we've made such great progress, and she really hasn't wanted anything to do with that place since we met her, so I feel like I might be undoing some trust by taking her back there.  We'll see how tomorrow goes, they do a big "good bye ceremony" for the children, so hopefully she'll be okay with that.

She didn't want Chuck to leave for the dinner, either.  They were all kind of talking and laughing in the upstairs hall while they waited for everyone to get ready and she motioned towards the door, so we went and hung out with him, but she cried when he left.   

This was by far the hardest night to put her to bed.  I sang songs for hours, running through my entire bedtime repertoire and then just singing every song I could remember from musicals.   (I do a killer rendition of Guys and Dolls.)  Then she finally let me sit down, and we spent another hour on the bed with her in my lap, and I told her all about what her life was going to be like in Milwaukee with her new home and family.  I had her at the slow, long blink and the deep sighs, but she was still totally fighting it.  She wanted me to put her down on the bed and then she got a bit wild rolling around on the bed until I covered her with her quilt and patted her back until she fell asleep.  

And that is where I am now, eating gummi bears in bed, writing by flashlight in a journal, listening to the rain outside and waiting for Chuck to come back.  I could go to sleep, but the door to the room is unlocked (there's only one key) so I had the choice of being locked in the room or the room being unlocked.  Since about the worst crimes they have here is pickpocketing, I should be pretty safe.

I have enjoyed my stay here but I can't tell you how happy I am to be going home tomorrow!  For one thing, I really miss Dillon (although Chuck is the one having dreams about Dillon being one of the children in the orphanage, so maybe he misses him more, I don't know.)  For another thing, there are so many wonders of America that we take for granted – like being able to drink the water out of the faucet without getting deathly ill.  Power that is mostly uninterrupted.  A social safety net that means that we don't have hordes of people starving to death in the streets.  And then there are just some comforts of home that I miss – a level bed, a shower that maintains a somewhat constant temperature, etc.

Please don't interpret my comments as ANY slight against Ethiopia.  I really do love it here.  I wish I was less of a "ferenze" (foreigner) because then I think I would have an even better understanding of it.  I stand out in many ways: I don't speak the language, I'm white, and reasonably well off by Ethiopian standards.  People are super nice to me anyway, despite my "otherness", but when we come back in 10-15 years, I hope we'll learn some Amharic in preparation.  When we come back, Chuck wants to come for a few weeks and all of us volunteer at the orphanage.  I'd like that. 

Rose and Chuck both slept well last night, despite sliding down to the low point on the bed (Chuck's side) and being sort of smooshed together.  Rose is sweet, though, and reasonably easy to sleep with for a two-year-old.  She stirs, looking for someone in the bed with her, but sleeps well if her fingers are sort of entwined gently in my hair.  I woke up during the night, though.  One couple's baby was sick and they needed to call a doctor.  Our basement room is close to the office (just one flight up) where the phone was and I woke up in the commotion (apparently they broke in to the office but somehow I missed that) and couldn't get back to sleep.  

Finally I fell back to sleep but woke up shortly before the breakfast call.  I got out new clean clothes for Rose, and getting her dressed was way easier than into her PJs, because she approved of the outfit.  She felt even better with her jacket on (which is now varying shades of white and cracker-orange).   When we went to breakfast she left behind the hat she had on since we left the orphanage, though, which is a small step forward.

After breakfast we went shopping to a couple of small boutiques.  We bought quite a lot of stuff – my goal is to get her a small gift for each of her birthdays until she is 18, and then the gift will be to come to Ethiopia as a family again.  Rose got a little impatient with the shopping as she's gotten onto a very rigid schedule and the shopping made her lunch late.

During the shopping trip (and really any time you drive anywhere) there are tons of children begging who run up to your car, I would guess we saw some as young as 4 or 5 years old.  Sometimes they sell candy or packs of tissue, and sometimes they just want money for food.  They come even when our car is stopped for a moment in traffic. 

Today outside one of the stores a little boy was begging at the window of the van while we were waiting for the rest of the group to finish shopping.  An adult came up and hit him in the head, slamming his head into the van (I guess he was a guard or something trying to discourage begging?).  It was very sad.  The boy was bleeding and crying.  

The poverty here is really one of the main reasons I didn't want to bring Dillon with us.  What do you tell a child about that?  How do you explain something you don't understand yourself?  You can't help looking around at the kids in our van and thinking that they've won some sort of terrible lottery.

The people running the adoption program aren't content with just adopting children out of the country.  They are also running a sponsorship program where interested people can spend $300 per year to feed, board, and educate a child.  I don't know about you, but our family spends that much on Culvers in a year.  I think we are definitely going to sponsor someone.  The program is also starting a school to train nurses, which are also sorely needed in Ethiopia.

It's not all bad news here, though.  Everyone is very nice, and it is a really beautiful country that's just had some hard times.  But Ethiopia is the seat of the African Union, and has more embassies than anywhere except New York.  After shopping I wasn't feeling too hot (though I have been ultra-careful about what I've eaten) so I went and laid down for a while which gave Chuck and Rose some much-needed bonding time, during which she apparently said "mommy", "daddy", and "brother".  She hasn't said much else since we've picked her up, she understands a bit and nods yes with a curt upward motion when we ask her if she's hungry or thirsty or has to go potty or whatever.

I went upstairs for dinner, checked out the lego towers Rose and Chuck were building, but didn't feel too much like eating, even though the cook prepared "American" Food: french fries, lasagna with bolognese sauce, and lasagna with bechemel sauce.  They didn't use lasagna noodles, though, they used spaghetti noodles, which was an interesting interpretation.  Also, you could definitely taste Ethiopian spices in the marinara ("bolognese") sauce.  Apparently these dishes are remnants of the brief Italian occupation of Ethiopia from 1936-41.

One of the people in our group said that another remnant of the occupation was the way everyone drives here, which is pretty chaotic, and often results in white-knuckled passengers.  I have to say that our driver, Tesfayae, is a skilled, skilled man and his talents also included talking street vendor's prices down, finding us the hookup on coffee and stuff, and some tour guide duties, but he'd be the first to tell you that he's there to serve the children.  It's clear that they all love him, and he knows each of their names and can tell you what states those that have gone home went to.  

He was a little offended one day that Rose wouldn't go to him when we got out of the car, but then he said, "it's okay.  She has found her family."   And he still shared his croissant with her, which elicited a smile anyway.

I have been a bit surprised at how many of the staff know Rose.  I believe they employ about 100 people, of which we've probably met 30 or so, but the majority we've met all know Rose.  Few of them receive her smiles, and only one has she permitted to hold her (since meeting me) that was the "food nanny", who is the cook at the orphanage.

After our American food dinner we went to bed.  Chuck and Rose passed out right away but I had a fever and the chills, and wound up starting the Cipro that I brought with for just this occasion, took some Tylenol PM, put on another set of clothes over my PJs to get warm, then finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.  I slept like a rock for three or four hours, though, the best sleep I've had since leaving Milwaukee.  

When we get the call for breakfast I feel like I only just went to sleep.  But I jump out of bed anyways.  I dress Rose, then I send her and Chuck up for breakfast while I take a quick shower.  It's been three days since I've washed my hair, and that's just gross.  But showering presents a bit of a challenge due to 1. no shower curtain 2. fluctuating water temperature and 3. gaping hole in bathroom wall next to shower which I cannot look into because I really don't want to see something looking back at me.

So I take the world's fastest shower and go upstairs for some lukewarm oatmeal.  Apparently Rose wouldn't eat the oatmeal even when it was hot, but she's eaten four pieces of bread and drank a bunch of milk in the meantime.  Our trip to the Embassy is scheduled for 1pm, so we mostly just hang around the family room in the guest house (where all the meals are served and there is a little living room set up) until then.  At noon the cook, Hirut (who is stunningly beautiful and is a great cook) brings us a traditional Ethiopian lunch with doro wat, injera, and a variety of other stews and sauces.  It was awesome!

Then we head off to the care center to pick up some of the babies on the way to the American Embassy.  Rose does not want to get out of the car at the care center.

The American Embassy is an interesting place – i have to check my camera and iPod, others have to check cell phones, etc. – on the way into the building.  Then we go with Marta, our agency representative, who checks us all in and we sit in a waiting room with other people who are adopting, people who are renewing passports, and whatever else you need to do in an embassy waiting room.  While we wait our turn, a man asks Chuck why we are adopting one of 'their' children.  Chuck sort of explains our rationale, and the man seems fine with it after we give a commitment to bring Rose back someday to see her homeland.

Marta has given us a copy of the interview questions to be sure we are prepared with the answers, and when our turn finally comes (we are the last in our group to be called to the counter) we are interviewed by a thirtysomething American woman.  The interview is pretty short and sweet, since Rose hasn't been sick and both of her parents have passed away.  Rose really hams it up, waving and smiling at all of the Embassy employees behind the bulletproof glass. 

We go downstairs to meet up with the rest of the group to find that one baby has been rushed to the hospital for a physical in order for his visa to be processed.  We have to wait for a while, and the babies all get a bit cranky.  Rose eats some cheese and peanut butter crackers and smears them all over her new white coat we gave her  (okay, I know it's crazy to buy a toddler a white coat, but apparently there is a coat embargo in Wisconsin in June and July and we couldn't find one ANYWHERE.  So I shopped online and the most reasonable and warm thing I could find was on clearance on Old Navy's website for like $8.)  Rose loves those crackers, though, apparently nothing tastes as good as artificial orange coloring.   She appears to hate small roundish foods, though, so she won't eat the goldfish crackers, crasins, or kix we brought. 

We give away the goldfish crackers to a four-year-old boy in our group who is bouncing off the walls.  He is being adopted by a family with two other Ethiopian adoptees, and the father brought the oldest (13 years old) along to pick up his new little brother.  The little boy is super-sweet, making up little songs and singing them the whole way here in the car.

After everyone finishes up at the Embassy, we drop the above family at the Hilton (they chose to stay at the same place they stayed when they brought home the 13 year old).   We all went in to the Hilton to change money and confirm our flights home with Ethiopian Air (apparently if you don't, you might lose it).  The Hilton was beautiful and very lavish, but I can't help thinking we are having a better experience in the guest house.  Despite our bed being sloped at a 45% angle and impossibly uncomfortable, and the dog fights in the street in the middle of the night, etc.  We are meeting other families and the people employed by the agency, etc.  We wouldn't have met nearly as many wonderful people if we had stayed anywhere else.  

After the Embassy and errands we came back, ate dinner, and then went to bed.  We had a slight problem putting Rose in her PJs.  She liked the little outfit she had on so much that we had our first fight trying to get it off her.  She was very sad, but cheered up when we let her sleep with her new sandals on and holding onto all of her clothes.  My theory is that she's never really had any clothes of her own before- at the care center everything is shared – and she just didn't want to let go of them.  But once the sandals were on, she felt better and fell asleep.